When we talk about day to day issues women face because of men, we just want for a moment to address our experience in the world. But you’d be surprised how many times a lesser form of SA or “grey area” comes up, a dude will go “yeah, but that’s not rape tho”Īnd tbh I think it is gracious that we do pre-fix these kind of talks with “not all men” because it obviously isn’t all men, but the conversation isn’t exclusively about the experience of men in the world. Of course the average man wouldn’t murder someone or rape someone by force and the idea appalls sane, well adjusted men. But I reckon if there was a completely honest survey, that went into the finer points of things men do to women that aren’t murder or penetration rape by force (eg unsolicited dick pics, harassing/verbally abusing them for saying no, pressuring, coercing or lying to get sex, swapping nudes with friends/any form of revenge porn, blue balls, friendzoning etc etc ). It’s hard to get accurate quantifiable data when asking men to reflect on something negative they might have done, it always will put people on the defensive and nobody likes being on the back foot. So I was being gracious there, I hope.īut yes. Or simply the obsession some dudes have with virgins/purity and being the one to take that to bring it back to my original point. Rather than things like “if I can’t have you no-one can” and the various delusions stalkers can get in their head. Honestly, the reason I deleted the essay was because I reckoned that OP of that “out of bounds” comment probably was thinking something like “bros before hoes” aka you wouldn’t make a move on your mates wife or daughter, your brothers wife, the mother in law etc.
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